last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
