I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
