So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
