Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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