All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
