I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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