That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
