Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
