if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
