Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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