yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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