I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
His nipple licking is glorious
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