New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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