No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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