he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
