Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to have your abortion
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
