i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
