I want to make a zoo with you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
