We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Alive.
So much puke
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
