so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
