I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
