Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
