bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
