its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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