Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize