Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize