she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
