This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
