OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
