hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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