I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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