u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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