'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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