a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
