yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
