We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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