I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
