Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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