just tell him i said nine months
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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