omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
