So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
