i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
