yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
why is half of my head shaved?
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