Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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