He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
