Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
