Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
