did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
