I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
