my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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