turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
