absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
