You can't motorboat a personality
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
