this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
