Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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