i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
