Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
