no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
