Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
