Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
