I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
