I feel like abortions should bother me more
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize