The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
