I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
