if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
