I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
